Some things have a way of realigning your perspective, like chiropractors do with spines.

Old time readers and followers may recall my Officemate. She drives a convertible miata... one obnoxiously gold (because a convertible miata wasn't obnoxious enough on its own) and with vanity plates that read "REDFRGL" ("It means 'red fraggle'! That's me!") I'd blasted her so many times it became too easy to do so, and thus stopped.

Well I got an email forwarded from Boss (who hasn't heard from me in what seems like ages). It turns out Officemate was in a car accident on Friday night. "The only reason she's alive is because she was wearing her seatbelt."

Knowing that my ex, Anthony, might still be friends with her (which used to irritate me to no end), I called him. Which I haven't done in over a month, since we broke up. He had already known about the accident from Bull--who said Officemate broke her collarbone...but the worst damage done was to her face.

I can only imagine she was driving that miata with the top down...which probably made it that much easier for the damage done...

...and I became incredibly sad. Started regretting all the horrible (but piercing, funny, and well-written) things I'd ever said about her. Started wondering why in my life am I so easily able to write people off as if they never existed. A cold, callous robot who forget about people in a snap as easily as erasing a hard drive. Started seeing the soft edges of my own mortality reach only so far. I started thinking stupid things, like how she won't be bothering me at the gym. I hated seeing her there, at my gym, ruining MY workout time at MY place when she could easily go train spin class at her OWN gym... But then I realized "Wow, she won't be there for a long time."

And I realized how much time I spend on actively hating people. Because I think it's fun. And I thought about Anthony, how I've been missing him--how I always miss him when he's not around--but but but but but WHAT is my MAJOR malFUNCTION?

He sounded so nice on the phone. He's always nice when we break up. He's always sweet then. Do I have to keep breaking up with him, pushing him away, so he stays nice?

We aren't here for all that long, so why can't I seem to make the most of my time here, instead of DICKING AROUND as I'm wont to do--fuck, as I'M GREAT AT DOING--and just what IS it I'm supposed to be doing if not doing well as a miserable fuckhead?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Bueller?