"Wait, was she a great, big, fat person?"

"Yessir. She was a big girl."

My mind keeps telling me that I'm a great, big, fat person, so I am trying to work out more. Somehow, I blossomed to 129.

Rothenfuck alluded to me as an "oversexed Asian" girl. Which leads me to believe Hemmy opened his young, stupid mouth. That sexy, young mouth that I didn't want to kiss. It reminded me of Dan Perone, who I was making out with when I was 23, and he was 19.

I like my playthings young and stupid.

I haven't seen Hemmy or the crew in a few days, having gone over my paltry budget. Hence, I stay home to save gas (which I use up when I go to the gym), drink by myself instead of racking up a hefty bar tab, and cook instead of house a plate of beef at the diner. I bought some choice steaks to cook up for me and Anthony tonight.

Eat-sleep-fuck aint so bad when you have other people to hang out with, I realize. Previously, I had only Ritchie. Now, I've got everyone except Ritchie.

I've been avoiding his calls. He left a long voicemail message. I feel like if I returned the message or called him back, I'd ruin the latest sense of happiness and contentment I've been enjoying lately. I don't want to hang out with him. I have more fun when he's not there. I know he's supposed to be my best friend, but I can't help but feel betrayed that all this time, his friendship was a platonic blanket. There is guilt, but I lived my life out of guilt with him FOR him a few years back, I've done enough.