Well well well, it's another Valentines Day soon, and smarty pants me decided to NOT come into work on Friday. That way, I do not have to deal with fuckhead co-workers who asked their significant others to send flowers to the office (or, who sent them their damn selves), specifically to make them look any more special than the rest of us mooks.
I've been doing the Atkins diet now for about 2 weeks and I think my body has refused to look at protein or fat as useable fuel sources. As anyone who is weight-obsessed can easily recite, "In the absence of carbs, your body will turn to fat to burn for energy. Hence, restrict your carbs and you will begin to burn fat and thus render yourself in lipolysis/ketosis." Unfortunately, my body now turns fat INTO carbs, and then back into unused fat--which is stored locally on the backs of my thighs and belly.
On Saturday and Sunday, That Prick Anthony was at the gym. Stupid me suggested a long time ago when things were both fine AND dandy between us that he get a membership there. Talk about your complete lacks of forethought. I pretended not to see him as he pretended not to see me (or maybe he really didn't), and we got un-along just fine. I'm sure he's hoping that some girl will start talking to him while he's working out, and that I can witness it to my own dismay. But the person who would've cared died not too long ago; I ran her over with my car.
"She got hit by a car; she's DEAD."
What else is new...
I went to an interview at PFE and probably blew it, which is of no real consequence. When asked, "Knot, do you really want this job?" I responded too honestly:"Well, Lakshmi," [for Lakshmi was her name, don't wear it out] "I am not as enthusiastic as I might be. I'm interviewing for a job that I already had, except your company came and took it away from me." By now, I should realize that honesty in the work place gets me zip. But I just couldn't help my mouth, or really care; don't want to give me a job? I'm still getting 6 months severance. So stick that in your crack pipe and smoke it, joe.
Last Thursday, when Matt and I were supposed to meet, I bailed. I didn't even call him to tell him, "You're not interested in me for anything other than amazing, hot and passionate sex, and I will not be able to meet at our arranged time and place." And while I'd like to say he was heartbroken at being stood up, the truth is that he probably didn't go anyway. Ah, fuck you, copper, who needs ya?
"I was an infinitely hot and dense dot." - Mark Leyner
Actually, I lied about the Atkins diet. It's working. There are things that are fitting me again, and I am almost always in ketosis. (I can tell this by peeing on specially-treated keto-stix that detect ketones being excreted in my urine. Presence of ketones = I am metabolizing fat.) Ketones are also excreted in your breath too -- which means your mouth may taste like it ate a poop sandwich and washed it down with a glass of diarrhea. I am 123 lb and my butt doesn't sag down to the ground anymore; it's somewhere acceptably above my knees.
I was just talking to Chris, a 40something security guard who patrols our buildings. His name is clearly on his nametag and security badge. Nevertheless, Anthony greeted him as "Eyy, Mikey, how's it going?" for the first 3 months of working here, because he thought that's what the guy's name was. Yet I am the idiot who dated him...
In twenty minutes, I may go downstairs to the gym to sport my heftily-priced Everlast workout clothes while I sweat away. But there may be annoying coworkers down there...
[Note to self: fart while working out to keep others away]
Life is passing me by and taking its dear, sweet time.
