I don't think anything has made me so aware of how lame-ass and unbelievably vain our culture really is as much as the Lamisil commercial.

I'm a dermatophyte. I crawl underneath your toenail, where clippers can't reach. I'm gonna make myself at home in your nail bed.

[very much misquoted, I know.]

You see the gremliny thing multiply, and they're wreaking havoc on your toenails, making them yellower, or of a more brittle composition. You've got a nail fungus. Your feet now bear amber cresents of shame atop your toes. God help you if you're caught braving a pair of Birkenstocks; you shall be scorned and publically flogged.

Seriously, people. When did ugly toenails become a reason to take a prescription? Your toe fungus isn't causing you pain or resulting in you getting ill. Lamisil might, though...

Tablets aren't for people with liver or kidney problems. Rarely, serious side effects in the liver or serious skin reactions have occurred, so your doctor may do a simple blood test to check for liver problems. Other side effects including headache, diarrhea, indigestion and rash were generally mild.

Look, if you're vain enought to pill-pop over your tootsies, then you can endure the shame of paying for a pedicure--a *really good one*. Or, be an independent entrepreneur and do it yourself (imagine that shit, DIY!). What the heck do you think nail polish was invented for? your hands? Hell no. Someone got tired of looking at your diseased toenails poking out of your shoes during the summer and invented colorful enamels to hide the issue.

If you have yellow toenails, you don't have problems.

Now Michael Jackson? HE'S got problems.